[Fly]

As some of you might know, Maniac was banned and demoted for leaking some time ago, and I recently started talking to him about it. We attempted an UBR, but it was denied.

Maniac wanted me to post some last words on the forum, in hope that the reader will learn from his experiences.
The small essay is dedicated towards the players of LimeLight, but staff are welcome to provide their own thoughts, but we suggest everyone keeps it civil.

This is not an attempt to attack, harm or critizise anyone.

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The story of Maniac.


Hey guys it's Maniac and I've got a little story to tell about my experience with the community here.

It all started in 2015. I joined Limelight after being invited by Mahti the ex-administrator. 
He told me how there was a FL "reboot" with different people as well as staff.
I got interested and started playing Garry's Mod after a long break. 

After months of roleplaying, good behaviour,  effort, hard work and an entirely clean record, I became a moderator somewhere around December 2015. I was absolutely thrilled to be finally helping to administrate the server. Because let's be honest, everybody in the community dreams of becoming staff. Everybody dreams of finally being able to fly over the city and observe the players. Being able to pull players in, ban and kick them, and ultimately getting respect just because of your rank. 
The first months of moderator were hard work. Getting to know the commands, developing a good sense of how to deal with players as well as finding a balance between roleplaying and administrating. I had to completely adjust my attitude to fit in. And boy how I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be the best but that soon changed.

I soon realised the position was changing me. I realised I wasn't me anymore. I was slowly turning into a policing robot, with only a blind love for rules, rules and more rules.
I was losing friends on Limelight just because I was so caught up in my so called duties. All I did was do my duties and not talk to anyone. I was alienating myself from the players.
Being self-aware of it I decided to go back to my former self because I wasn't having any fun anymore.  The witty, funny, sarcastic and ironic meme loving fucker returned, the old Maniac. I gave up on my pseudo-professional attitude and quickly saw things gradually change around me. Players were more eager to approach me, not only for help but more to just joke around and have fun. The players weren't afraid of me, but they respected me as an equal. I eventually preferred having banter with the players over my duties, and it seemed like everyone loved it.
I was one with the players, but not with the staff. This later became a problem.

The longer I was my original self, the more conflicts arose within the staff team towards me. It was not allowed for me to have this "attitude", I was required to be "Professional". I saw other moderators being promoted to Stage 2 in big numbers, and I was left behind as a moderator stage 1. Moderators which were promoted way after me were surpassing me. All because they blindly followed and copied the moves of the admins. Rules, rules and rules. I knew I was viewed as different within the staff team and I wasn't. I could feel it when talking to the staff. I was slowly being distanced from them just because I didn't mindlessly copy their behaviour. It was this group mentality of not wanting to be associated with Maniac. 

I was slowly and gradually being left out by the majority of the admins. They looked down upon me from their golden untouchable thrones high up in the sky. Dare anyone speak out against the admins. Dare anyone criticise the admins for having no connection with the playerbase. It was all about CEO-grade professionality on an administrator team made of children to look after other children on a gaming server.
I got sick of it, so I decided to speak my mind and no longer be silenced. I was not allowed to have a controversial opinion in the discussion threads. I was not allowed to engage in controversial topics because it could harm the image of Limelight Staff, or do/say anything that could potentially harm the image of the staff . "A staff member against Islam? He will make the entire staff team look bad for promoting an islamophobe!",
"A staff member messing around on a kik chat? That's not allowed!", "A staff member posting memes on the forum? Absolutely disgusting!"

I was scolded multiple times for my behaviour, because I was not following their professionality agenda.

I used to be great friends with Brynn when I was in my policing mindset. We spoke to eachother as friends, not as colleagues. As soon as Brynn got promoted to SA, he was the one who had to talk to me about my bad behaviour and attitude. Putting Brynn in the SA position is like letting a dog handle a nuclear powerplant. I could immediately tell whenever I was about to get shat on. Brynn would message me in steam with perfect punctuation, full stops, no grammar mistakes and especially no laughs.
This is all for the purpose of screenshotting the conversation so it can be posted in the Admin lounge. Just so he can look really mature and professional towards the other admins. Uphold the fake veil.
Keep in mind that Brynn is usually unable to write a 3 sentence paragraph without it containing 20 errors, so you understand how different it made him look. Brynn put on his big-boy shoes and tried to talk to me as if he was my boss, instead of chatting things through as how we did it back when we were friends. It made me realise more and more how a staff position changes people for the worse.

Not only does this apply to Brynn, it also applies to many others of the staff team. For example, Soviethooves used to be an amazing guy. He was great to hang out, laugh and play with. 
Look at him now, he's bitter and blinded by his position. Blackdog enjoys nothing more than ruining the banter of other people by shutting down entire projects and threads. Nacreas thinks he knows everything best and is willing to get mad whenever someone disagrees with him.
To give context on that, I remember seeing a massive fight between Doodleh and Nacreas because Doodleh didn't agree with the decision Nacreas had made. Nacreas went on about how Doodleh as a moderator shouldn't criticise an admin because "he was just a moderator". 
None of the admins are genuine. Even internally there would be no room for laughs or banter. Maybe a tiny bit of """banter""", aka the kind of humor that is stale and boring.
They uphold this fake veil just because they're told to, but for what reason?

I feel like the entire point of the staff's professionalism is pointless, and the one of the reasons for it is so players will imitate them. The only reason PassiveRP exists is because the staff wants it. The only reason players do it is because they want to appeal to the staff, pretend to be professional and thus eventually becoming one of them. There's not a single fraction of genuity in it, and there never will be. It's turned into a contest of who can lube themselves up the best and slide into the onion rings of the staff to earn RP points and to be recommended for staff. The only way to become part of the staff is when an admin recommends you, which quite frankly only happens when said person is a good friend of the admin.
The other reason is because "Limelight is a business". It's like there's this idea that Limelight is a massive company with a lot of status, when in reality it's just a gaming server for a 10 dollar game.
The only reason it's a business is so there's legal backup when being DDoSed, and so the community can't be accused of tax evasion. If it were really a business and admins were employee representatives, they would be paid but however they aren't.

As you could see my unban request got denied. It's meanwhile been nearly a year since my removal from Limelight and the staff team is still harboring a grudge. I'm still being judged for my behaviour which is deemed inappropriate and I guess you could say "toxic".
Limelight is all about positivity right? We're a welcoming and peaceful community that is ready to silence and ban the living shit out of anyone who opposes the general consensus, has different opinions than we do, or questions authority or authenticity. But yes, we are different from the community we so claimed to move away from.

I don't exactly know where I'm going with this story. I guess it's to let the community know to not be afraid to speak up for yourself, and against the admins. Don't blindly agree with them.
Don't try to go out of your way to appeal to them. Be you and don't let anybody tell you who you should be. Don't sit there and feel intimidated by the staff. What they're doing and how they're doing it is just because they were taught to do so. There's no personality nor connection with the players, because quite frankly they don't really care about the players. If they really did care for the players other than rolling out worthless updates now and then, they would try to make an effort to have fun with them instead of blindly policing them.

This is the story of someone who preferred his personality above the ridiculous and fake standards this community has. I stood up for who I was and it became my downfall. 

In the end they're just like you; But with more power.

PS: This thread will inevitably be removed under the excuse of "Spreading toxicity", "Posts by banned players are not allowed", "Hatespreading" or anything among those lines. If this does indeed happen, it only adds to this story. 

Keep in mind I will not be able to reply to this myself, but feel free to add me on steam.

Limelight - Link watcher

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Please share and save it, for I will never be forgotten.

Maniac

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[Fly]

And yes, i am aware that i'm potentially risking a ban. But I feel that the message is important, so here we go.

EDIT: Also, we don't want anyone to feel afraid about sharing an opinion on this controversial matter. There's going to be a big diversity of opinions here, and we need to respect that together.

[Enzyme]

Hello Maniac.

This post will not serve to explain or justify your demotion nor your ban, but to rather reply to your concerns and thoughts about Limelight and how we conduct our business.

You weren't forced in your staff-position, nor were you unaware of the expectations we have to our staff-members. No-one are forced to be emotionless rule-robots and there is loads of room for personality and jokes. I'm sure the entire staff-team here can testify that I'm the person who makes the most penis-jokes out of everyone on the team.

Spoiler

 Everyone changes when they are promoted and everyone fluctuates back and forth when it comes to how we wish to portrait ourselves as a staff member. It takes time for a staff-member to find a position that feels natural for them when it comes to how serious and banterous they are in different situations. @BlackDog can confirm that I've made many changes since my promotion to an SA. I've been blunt super-professional asshole in every situation and I've slowly made room for more banter, joke and "casualness" where I think it fits in. Blackdog has told me multiple times when I appear "too serious" and I try to adjust to this when and where I can. I might not have nailed this properly yet but my point here is that all staff-members undergo a change after they are promoted. We might run a tight ship on public staff-behaviour but we're not a nazi-regime either. There's a time and place for everything though and we had different opinions on when and where it was acceptable. 

You could have left it at that, but you went ahead on a big memelord spree after your demotion where you were ultimately banned from the forum after ignoring several warnings and breaking several rules. You betrayed what you once enforced, and you were punished for that. It is what it is and we are where we are now. You played your cards, and you're now dealing with the consequences of your actions but this is explained in your unban-request that Octave posted for you. 

You're completely right when you say that staff are just like players, but with more powers. That's what makes us human, and we act and think like any other person. 

As it appears, your main criticism here is that we wished for you to remain professional, something you didn't wish to do. That was entirely up to you but we are within our right to uphold a professional standard among our staff members and maintain the staff how we view best. This is how we've chosen to try and act as a staff-team and you might disagree with this, but that was our choice when making this community. We're far from perfect as a community and as SAs but we try to do our best and that's all we can do. 

You put a lot of blame on @Brynn  and I feel it's unfair that I'm not getting any blame or criticism here. I've been an SA for a long time now and I've served with two other SAs (shoutout to @"Fultz" and @Preditor) before Brynn joined the ranks. We SAs do what's not always popular, but what we think is right. We're used to making unpopular decisions and getting flak for it. It's a part of the job and we try to do what we feel is best for the staff-team and community. We might appear as uptight assholes who ruin all the fun, but that's part of the job. You know I might be a strict asshole and I might have to agree with you on that, but my role in this community and staff-team depends on me being a strict asshole at times. I ain't perfect, but I could always be worse. 

I completely agree that community members shouldn't be afraid of speaking their mind and giving us feedback on how they view the staff-team and community. We're always trying to listen and make adjustments. I realise that this sounds awfully generic and corporate so let me rephrase:

We ain't a dictatorship that chops the heads off anyone who speaks up against us. We just wish for people to do so in a respectful and mature manner. As for this thread, it won't be deleted but it might be locked if it escalates into a flamewar. 


You might view yourself as a martyr who stood up for something and and I respect that. I have myself stood up against the "big dogs" and it's a risky game that can go either way. My view on this situation though is that you weren't acting in accordance with how we wish that staff-members act, and we saw a need to act on that. You knew what you were getting into when you were asked if you wanted to step up as a Moderator and you tried it out and in the end it just just didn't work out because we had different opinions on how a staff-team should act and behave. It's as simple as that. There isn't a conspiracy to enslave all staff and have them be mindless drones, but we wish to make sure that we can be as good as we can be where we can. 

Thank you for your input, Mark. If you have any criticism towards me then I'll welcome it with open arms as long as you keep it calm and mature. 

(Mental highfive to whoever read this entire post)

[Fly]

Hello Maniac.

-snip-

I think the main issue Maniac is trying to explain here, is the fact that staff rarely sees the things from the players' perspective. Staff do indeed act (and rely) a lot on protocol, and never on behalf of what might teach/help the player and enforce positivity in the community.

I know a lot of people who will try to avoid the grumpy admins, both IC and OOC-wise, simply reasoned that they are risking punishment for accidentally stepping wrong, or just having a little harmless minging-session for 2 minutes.

You might not think that it is a dictatorship, but on certain occassions it will.

EDIT: Sorry for the short reply, the text editor is really laggy right now.

[Cooli]

Interesting read but I dont agree with any of the points maniac made.

[Wesley Lawrence]

I don't exactly know where I'm going with this story.

Kind of what I read from all that.

[Dan]

Blackdog enjoys nothing more than ruining the banter of other people by shutting down entire projects and threads.

:^)

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Blackdoggo what is with the hidden reply

[Toxic]

-tiny hands-

[Preditor]

You put a lot of blame on @Brynn  and I feel it's unfair that I'm not getting any blame or criticism here. I've been an SA for a long time now and I've served with two other SAs (shoutout to @"Fultz" and @Preditor) before Brynn joined the ranks. We SAs do what's not always popular, but what we think is right. We're used to making unpopular decisions and getting flak for it. It's a part of the job and we try to do what we feel is best for the staff-team and community. We might appear as uptight assholes who ruin all the fun, but that's part of the job. You know I might be a strict asshole and I might have to agree with you on that, but my role in this community and staff-team depends on me being a strict asshole at times. I ain't perfect, but I could always be worse. 

I completely agree that community members shouldn't be afraid of speaking their mind and giving us feedback on how they view the staff-team and community. We're always trying to listen and make adjustments. I realise that this sounds awfully generic and corporate so let me rephrase:

We ain't a dictatorship that chops the heads off anyone who speaks up against us. We just wish for people to do so in a respectful and mature manner. As for this thread, it won't be deleted but it might be locked if it escalates into a flamewar. 

What's popular is not always what's right.

[Soviethooves]

Meh, I appreciate he put the time into writing this out, but I think he puts a lot of blame on Brynn and other staff members that just don't agree with what he did (The whole memelord spree thing).

From my point of view it can feel like a dictatorship at times and feel like we are acting like robots, but that's because we are trying to uphold a professional image and be taken seriously. Now, if you wanna talk about dicks, monster trucks, and guns with typos while we chat, you can contact a staff member when we aren't involved in a situation needing our duties.

[Uncle Krusty]

You put a lot of blame on @Brynn  and I feel it's unfair that I'm not getting any blame or criticism here. I've been an SA for a long time now and I've served with two other SAs (shoutout to @"Fultz" and @Preditor) before Brynn joined the ranks. We SAs do what's not always popular, but what we think is right. We're used to making unpopular decisions and getting flak for it. It's a part of the job and we try to do what we feel is best for the staff-team and community. We might appear as uptight assholes who ruin all the fun, but that's part of the job. You know I might be a strict asshole and I might have to agree with you on that, but my role in this community and staff-team depends on me being a strict asshole at times. I ain't perfect, but I could always be worse. 

What I did was always popular. Because I am the shit. And don't let Enzyme confuse you guys. He is a little softy

[Awestruck]

You put a lot of blame on @Brynn  and I feel it's unfair that I'm not getting any blame or criticism here. I've been an SA for a long time now and I've served with two other SAs (shoutout to @"Fultz" and @Preditor) before Brynn joined the ranks. We SAs do what's not always popular, but what we think is right. We're used to making unpopular decisions and getting flak for it. It's a part of the job and we try to do what we feel is best for the staff-team and community. We might appear as uptight assholes who ruin all the fun, but that's part of the job. You know I might be a strict asshole and I might have to agree with you on that, but my role in this community and staff-team depends on me being a strict asshole at times. I ain't perfect, but I could always be worse. 

What I did was always popular. Because I am the shit. And don't let Enzyme confuse you guys. He is a little softy

@"Fultz" for SA

[Uncle Krusty]

So I was actually just going to get on this thread to see how many likes I got because that is what I do. But I actually read the post and this is what I have to reply to this Bio.

In the situation of Brynn, yes it is really obvious whenever you are getting talked to. But not in the sense you are saying that he is being a big boy for the admin team. If he is making numerous grammatical errors and laughing about while talking to you about an issue, you are not going to take it seriously. But whenever he does it in a professional way, both parties know that he is being serious and this should be taken seriously.

I can tell you from my experience being a super admin that I did the same exact thing. You knew which Fultz you were talking to in the first 5 seconds of talking to me. There was a difference and I made sure it was obvious. Not because I was being a prick, but to make sure you knew I wasn't fucking around. If you talked to me outside of that realm, I will be the first person to call you stupid shit. For reference, Enzyme's tag on steam is literally faggot. But if I am in say Brynn's shoes, I would have done the same thing. If I am friends with you Bio, and I have to tell you something regarding behavior, I am going to change my tone because if I joke with you and say "oh btw quit that." you aren't going to take that seriously. I mean let's be real Bio, you know you wouldn't take that seriously.

For the company part, if Limelight was not a company in comparison to it actually being one, that level of professionalism would be the same. You are looking at a bunch of blokes who take professionalism to a high level. And honestly, I think they should. Professionalism is exactly what you said. If players see how professional the staff is, they will act with respect on the servers and forums. You can say that is ass licking for staff or whatever shit you want. But I would rather have people being more professional to ass lick than if the staff was a bunch of fuckers and in return, you have people pretending to be fuckers to try and get staff. Image is everything.

You are right on almost everyone wanting staff though. And they are for the exact reasons you stated, and like you said, you have to be friends with the staff to get there. The difference though is for the most part, it is VERY easy to figure out which dumbasses are the ass lickers compared to the genuine people. Just because you ass lick doesnt mean you will be instantly promoted, if that were the case almost all the stupid teachers would be promoted.

Whenever I was SA, I would probably say 75-80% of the time I was stupidly professional because I had to be. And the rest of the time I was my retarded self. And whenever you resign you no longer have to waste your time being professional. Some people have their different reasons. But for me personally, it was because I have all the respect I need to keep everyone aware that I am kidding around and do not mean any harm. For others what you are doing feels assaulting. Just depends on the person.

I could break the rest down. But I truly don't feel like it as this was enough typing for my liking, but hey add me up on steam if you want to talk more about it. Oldies like you always have a spot on my frriends list Biowolf <3

[Preditor]

So I was actually just going to get on this thread to see how many likes I got because that is what I do. But I actually read the post and this is what I have to reply to this Bio.

In the situation of Brynn, yes it is really obvious whenever you are getting talked to. But not in the sense you are saying that he is being a big boy for the admin team. If he is making numerous grammatical errors and laughing about while talking to you about an issue, you are not going to take it seriously. But whenever he does it in a professional way, both parties know that he is being serious and this should be taken seriously.

I can tell you from my experience being a super admin that I did the same exact thing. You knew which Fultz you were talking to in the first 5 seconds of talking to me. There was a difference and I made sure it was obvious. Not because I was being a prick, but to make sure you knew I wasn't fucking around. If you talked to me outside of that realm, I will be the first person to call you stupid shit. For reference, Enzyme's tag on steam is literally faggot. But if I am in say Brynn's shoes, I would have done the same thing. If I am friends with you Bio, and I have to tell you something regarding behavior, I am going to change my tone because if I joke with you and say "oh btw quit that." you aren't going to take that seriously. I mean let's be real Bio, you know you wouldn't take that seriously.

For the company part, if Limelight was not a company in comparison to it actually being one, that level of professionalism would be the same. You are looking at a bunch of blokes who take professionalism to a high level. And honestly, I think they should. Professionalism is exactly what you said. If players see how professional the staff is, they will act with respect on the servers and forums. You can say that is ass licking for staff or whatever shit you want. But I would rather have people being more professional to ass lick than if the staff was a bunch of fuckers and in return, you have people pretending to be fuckers to try and get staff. Image is everything.

You are right on almost everyone wanting staff though. And they are for the exact reasons you stated, and like you said, you have to be friends with the staff to get there. The difference though is for the most part, it is VERY easy to figure out which dumbasses are the ass lickers compared to the genuine people. Just because you ass lick doesnt mean you will be instantly promoted, if that were the case almost all the stupid teachers would be promoted.

Whenever I was SA, I would probably say 75-80% of the time I was stupidly professional because I had to be. And the rest of the time I was my retarded self. And whenever you resign you no longer have to waste your time being professional. Some people have their different reasons. But for me personally, it was because I have all the respect I need to keep everyone aware that I am kidding around and do not mean any harm. For others what you are doing feels assaulting. Just depends on the person.

I could break the rest down. But I truly don't feel like it as this was enough typing for my liking, but hey add me up on steam if you want to talk more about it. Oldies like you always have a spot on my frriends list Biowolf <3

Says the **** who RDMs me to test out new weapons.

In all seriousness I do have to agree with Fultz, I can type up something similar myself but it would nearly be mirroring what he has stated above. I myself, to those who know me am a pretty easy going guy. However it is important to have a line, and just as long as people don't cross it then there's nothing to worry about.

I will also add that with Limelight, being a Supervising Administrator is a role that many, even community members do not fully comprehend. It's both a good and bad title. Sure you look nice with the shiny badge, but when you work for HR for example, you're also the one that has to pull the trigger when no one else wants to. Both Brynn and Enzyme are easy going guys, however when they have to do their job I'm sure they both understand that it has to be done. 

I can even admit myself I've done things that are simple, but then I've done things that really fucking sucked. I feel Fultz can relate with me on a serious part as well too. You get much praise for holding the rank, yet at the same time you get all the fire for it.

In regards to Maniac, I don't know the whole situation and I wasn't there so it's not my place to judge, however I wouldn't put all the blame on just one individual. With being an SA, for the role itself for the most part you are encouraged to treat each case without any bias, just like the administrators should. And you are entrusted as practically the highest law of the land in certain cases. As you are aware SAs are voted for internally, meaning that they are voted for by the staff, and to be elected means that they trust you as a person to do what is right, and sometimes what no one else would want to do. I can't say if the team acted right or wrong, but I can tell you that I feel Brynn in this case did what he was elected to do, which I can relate to him, as can Fultz and Enzyme, and anyone else with such experience. 

Hope it helps regardless. Things may have changed in today's time though, I'm just a vet with a cool jacket now.

[Daley]

When I got promoted to Moderator, you where the most veteran moderator on the team, and you helped the new moderators settle in, however, you did make a change. From a nice moderator, with a more laid back view on things, you went to somebody who could not take a single situation seriously, behaved rather Toxic, and Distant, even from the rest of the moderation team, I remember trying to thank you for the help settling into the team, however, you did not reply, and simply ignored me. You can play victim all you want, but being a staff member is about finding a balance between professional and not, and I can find that balance.

When a situation arises in which I need to keep up to my position on the servers, I do. However, this does not mean you cannot have banter, have fun, and take a more laid back approach. And a bond with the community is important.

However, I do agree on the point of people changing, people should life up to their position, but often they lose a big part of their personality, or over do it. There is a balance between professional, and casual that in my opinion is perfect for administrators on the server. And I feel like players would be more inclined to play on the server if we are more relaxed with them at times, and perhaps warn them instead of punishing them right away. However, there are limits, and we are there to enforce the rules after all.

It's a shame it had to go this way, because originally you where a great staff member, as well as a good lad to have a chat with, however, you over did it, went to far, and now try shift the blame of your own irrational and quite frankly in-mature mistakes. You could always have gone back to be a regular player if you did not want, or where not able to uphold a certain sense of professionalism when discussing serious matters, or attending to staff matters. And there is plenty of Banter.