[Lord Octagon]

Quotes from external sources have been clearly labelled.

In this guide you will learn how a true negotiator gets what he wants, but remember one thing:

People aren't fundamentally rational

There are 5 steps to a successful hostage negotiation:

1. Active Listening - What do they have to say? You should let them know you're listening
   
2. Empathy - In order to get into their head you must first know and understand how they feel.
   
3. Rapport - This is when they feel your empathy, they are beginning to trust you.
   
4. Influence - You should start to take action and recommend a specific way of doing so.
   
5. Behavioural Change - They will act upon that, maybe even surrender.
   

…business negotiations try to pretend that emotions don’t exist. What’s your best alternative to a negotiated agreement, or ‘BATNA’? That’s to try to be completely unemotional and rational, which is a fiction about negotiation. Human beings are incapable of being rational, regardless… So instead of pretending emotions don’t exist in negotiations, hostage negotiators have actually designed an approach that takes emotions fully into account and uses them to influence situations, which is the reality of the way all negotiations go…

This is a crucial step in order to get to a change in behaviour. Other steps will follow but most people are terrible at this step.

If while you’re making your argument, the only time the other side is silent is because they’re thinking about their own argument, they’ve got a voice in their head that’s talking to them. They’re not listening to you. When they’re making their argument to you, you’re thinking about your argument, that’s the voice in your head that’s talking to you. So it’s very much like dealing with a schizophrenic.

If your first objective in the negotiation, instead of making your argument, is to hear the other side out, that’s the only way you can quiet the voice in the other guy’s mind. But most people don’t do that. They don’t walk into a negotiation wanting to hear what the other side has to say. They walk into a negotiation wanting to make an argument. They don’t pay attention to emotions and they don’t listen.

There are certain rules to follow when active listening, these are straightforward:

1. Listen - Do not interrupt, disagree or evaluate.
   
2. Brief acknowledgement comments - Nod your head and say something like 'yes' or 'uh-huh'.
   
3. Repeat - Repeat back main points of what they just said, from their point of view.
   
4. Ask questions - This lets them that you have been paying attention to what they've said.
   

There are also some techniques professionals use to take it to the next level:

You don’t want yes/no answers, you want them to open up.

A good open-ended question would be “Sounds like a tough deal. Tell me how it all happened.” It is non-judgmental, shows interest, and is likely to lead to more information about the man’s situation. A poor response would be “Do you have a gun? What kind? How many bullets do you have?” because it forces the man into one-word answers, gives the impression that the negotiator is more interested in the gun than the man, and communicates a sense of urgency that will build rather than defuse tension.

Pausing is a useful tool. Use it for emphasis, to persuade someone to keep a conversation going or to calm them down.

Eventually, even the most emotionally overwrought subjects will find it difficult to sustain a one-sided argument, and they again will return to meaningful dialogue with negotiators. Thus, by remaining silent at the right times, negotiators actually can move the overall negotiation process forward.

Short statements to let them know you’re paying attention and to keep them talking.

Even relatively simple phrases, such as “yes,” “O.K.,” or “I see,” effectively convey that a negotiator is paying attention to the subject. These responses will encourage the subject to continue talking and gradually relinquish more control of the situation to the negotiator.

Repeating the last words that have been said shows you’re are engaged in the conversation.

For example, a subject may declare, “I’m sick and tired of being pushed around,” to which the negotiator can respond, “Feel pushed, huh?”

If you repeat what the other person is saying back to them in your own words it will be conveyed that you really do understand.

The idea is to really listen to what the other side is saying and feed it back to them. It’s kind of a discovery process for both sides. First of all, you’re trying to discover what’s important to them, and secondly, you’re trying to help them hear what they’re saying to find out if what they are saying makes sense to them.

Give their feelings a name. It shows you’re identifying with how they feel.

A good use of emotional labeling would be “You sound pretty hurt about being left. It doesn’t seem fair.” because it recognizes the feelings without judging them. It is a good Additive Empathetic response because it identifies the hurt that underlies the anger the woman feels and adds the idea of justice to the actor’s message, an idea that can lead to other ways of getting justice.

A poor response would be “You don’t need to feel that way. If he was messing around on you, he was not worth the energy.” It is judgmental. It tells the subject how not to feel. It minimizes the subject’s feelings, which are a major part of who she is. It is Subtractive Empathy.

[Lord Octagon]

Cleaned the thread up and added fancy new graphics. Enjoy hostage negotiating!

[zona]

Thanks @Lord Octagon I think i'll use this a lot!

[Soviethooves]

Very well written guide Octagon!

Sadly I'll stick to the usual "Either we arrest you or kill you." Routine, lol.

[thefaketaco]

Very well written guide Octagon!

Sadly I'll stick to the usual "Either we arrest you or kill you." Routine, lol.

I like to jump right into the killing part way funner

[Safira]

Nice guide! It's been added to the RP Index Sticky thread.