Aug 28, 2017, 02:47 AM
My Applicanton
Character Bio: Former local bowling champion (disqualified after testing positive for methamfetamine), massive ass. Greasy hair as a style choice. Served 3 days in the neighborhood watch, dishonorably discharged for smashing garden gnomes with a mallet. Small town's n1 aluminium foil consumer. Does not drive at night for fear of black cars being invisible without sunlight. Claims severe allergy to most fabrics other than carpet. Sent twice to the hospital for choking on peanuts after storing 3 pounds worth in his cheeks like a hamster. Overall a nice fella, have been described by others as a mercenary, a masked man, a big guy. Always wondering why you'd shoot a man before throwing him off the plane. In need to figure out what the doctor told you after he refused his offer. Getting caught is always part of his plan, and that is generally followed by crashing a plane with little to no survivors. Lives by the mottos "the flames ascend" and "this is not the adequate instance to be scared, that is for a later occasion".
_______________________________________________________
In Character Information
Division you are applying for: [font=times new roman]FUMUKU International Manufacturing Division:
_____________________________________
Full Name: Billy Bawb Rustdoor Lord Titonicus of the Seven Planets Smegma Jeans
All Nicknames: Billy Jeans, Jeans Billy, Billy of the Jeans, just Billy, Stupid, and Mr. Jean.
Age: 48
Date of Application: 08/28/17
_____________________________________
Date of birth: 13/03/when ma momma pushed me out and died during child birth
Gender: [M] / F
Place of Birth: Three quarters up the town's main road, the truck was movin' and i popped onto the dirt and a horse stepped on me and then the rider jumped out and stepped on me too.
Telephone Number: 1
Mobile: only to close shop, else i'm sitting behind the counter most of the day
Driver's License Number: 2 (first one was suspended)
_____________________________________
Current Residence (Complete in Full)
Address: indoors
Zip code: i still use pigeon mail it's more reliable
[Suburb] / City
Previous Residence (Complete in Full)
Address: I inhabited a sliver of space between the mud and the wet flattened cardboard box behind the town's gas station from age 2 to 18.
Zip code: none
[Suburb] / City
_____________________________________
Why are you applying?
I am an expert in manufacturing with my hands. Manufacturing what you say? Not only do I manufacture the best jean jackets on the face of planet jean- I mean earth- but I also am a legendary smith, a true handcrafter of intrigue, suspense and thrill in the workplace. Picture this: You, dawning the brand new FUMUKU©®™ Jean Based Combat Armor©®™, walk into the board room to discuss the newest project, the FUMUKU©®™ Jean Mecha-Giant©®™. You take your seat in the table of directors and notice the lightbulbs have been replaced by oranges- confusion sets in. You look around and all the other directors seem puzzled as well- have other light sources been highjacked??? fear sets in. I walk by the dark glass wall that is in the board room, shinning in 8 different spots, almost like there's 8 little suns in different places of me- surprise sets in. I stop and my wiggling fatrolls cease moving after 3 seconds, you notice I am naked- arousal sets in. I proceed to selectively compress and contract certain parts of my body, causing each and everyone of the lightbulbs to pop causing blood and shards to gush from my naked ass and onto the floor- disgust besieges you.
I walk away to clean myself up. What was that, you ask? A thrill. An emotional roller-coaster. A masterfully manufactured artistic reenactment of the blight of human suffering and the relationship between the Ego, the innocence of children, and God. Need I say anymore?
What is your background in the field you are applying for?
My background is often the area behind me, like, if you were to frame me in some sort of depiction, then that would be all of the area within the framing minus the area occupied by me. But, now, join me for a moment of reflection and meditation: why not... the "frontground"?
FUMUKU©®™- Always Moving Forwards.
Why should we pick you for FUMUKU?
I am a bowling champion, you've got pins? I'll knock'em out. You've got torsos? I'll jean-jacket'em. You've got leftovers on the office fridge? I'll eat'em. You've got children or young family members under your care? I'll fing... uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
What will you offer FUMUKU?
[/font]During this time only I'll offer you a free tour to my Collection Room. You'll get to lay your eyes on my 57 jars of toenails, and my live size statue of General Robert E. Lee also made of toenails. I'll give you everything in my pockets, yes, even the air in my pockets, that will be two birds in one shot, because only vacuum will be let in them, and vacuum is lighter than air and thus will cause the jacket wearer to float and rise above the clouds like olive oil on water (I will be introducing the concept of vacuum based blimps and other applications of vacuum in a future board room meeting).
Ask not what I can do for FUMUKU©®™ but what FUMUKU©®™ can do for me!
therefore Here's A List of My Demands:
1) A spy pen which is a spy with a pen on the end of it;
2) All doors in FUMUKU©®™ buildings must be 3x wider and seats must be 6x wider and 10x comfier to accommodate my... demanding rear;
3) I wish to be sung happy birthday no less than 4 times a year with cake with no less than 7 layers;
4) You are hereby contractually and permanently bound to replicate every single armor and clothing and uniform model of FUMUKU©®™ in jean cloth and all must wear such enhanced versions;
5) A) An active nuclear bomb must be placed at the center of HQ building with a giant weight dangling over it, held by a chain which is broken in two but it's broken ends are held by a ginormous iceberg- this will ensure agents and researchers never plan to the next day thus making them extremely more efficient;
5) B) Every time someone doesn't greet me properly when I drive my mobility recliner into the facility I will exhale deeply onto the iceberg thus accelerating it's melting rate and bringing the end date of the Doomsday Device closer to the present (DONT CROSS ME!!!!!!!)
6) I demand a full-time orchestra to live-produce the soundtrack of my life, regardless of where I am at or what I am doing, they must always adequately perform to the situation down to every little nuance.
7) All research funding gets split 75% towards new JeanJacket©®™ Technology and 25% towards ways discovering ways of handing me immediate remote control of the Sun so I can move it around when I'm driving and the glare is annoying and makes traffic lights harder to see.
Best regards
Billy Jeans
Character Bio: Former local bowling champion (disqualified after testing positive for methamfetamine), massive ass. Greasy hair as a style choice. Served 3 days in the neighborhood watch, dishonorably discharged for smashing garden gnomes with a mallet. Small town's n1 aluminium foil consumer. Does not drive at night for fear of black cars being invisible without sunlight. Claims severe allergy to most fabrics other than carpet. Sent twice to the hospital for choking on peanuts after storing 3 pounds worth in his cheeks like a hamster. Overall a nice fella, have been described by others as a mercenary, a masked man, a big guy. Always wondering why you'd shoot a man before throwing him off the plane. In need to figure out what the doctor told you after he refused his offer. Getting caught is always part of his plan, and that is generally followed by crashing a plane with little to no survivors. Lives by the mottos "the flames ascend" and "this is not the adequate instance to be scared, that is for a later occasion".
_______________________________________________________
In Character Information
Division you are applying for: [font=times new roman]FUMUKU International Manufacturing Division:
_____________________________________
Full Name: Billy Bawb Rustdoor Lord Titonicus of the Seven Planets Smegma Jeans
All Nicknames: Billy Jeans, Jeans Billy, Billy of the Jeans, just Billy, Stupid, and Mr. Jean.
Age: 48
Date of Application: 08/28/17
_____________________________________
Date of birth: 13/03/when ma momma pushed me out and died during child birth
Gender: [M] / F
Place of Birth: Three quarters up the town's main road, the truck was movin' and i popped onto the dirt and a horse stepped on me and then the rider jumped out and stepped on me too.
Telephone Number: 1
Mobile: only to close shop, else i'm sitting behind the counter most of the day
Driver's License Number: 2 (first one was suspended)
_____________________________________
Current Residence (Complete in Full)
Address: indoors
Zip code: i still use pigeon mail it's more reliable
[Suburb] / City
Previous Residence (Complete in Full)
Address: I inhabited a sliver of space between the mud and the wet flattened cardboard box behind the town's gas station from age 2 to 18.
Zip code: none
[Suburb] / City
_____________________________________
Why are you applying?
I am an expert in manufacturing with my hands. Manufacturing what you say? Not only do I manufacture the best jean jackets on the face of planet jean- I mean earth- but I also am a legendary smith, a true handcrafter of intrigue, suspense and thrill in the workplace. Picture this: You, dawning the brand new FUMUKU©®™ Jean Based Combat Armor©®™, walk into the board room to discuss the newest project, the FUMUKU©®™ Jean Mecha-Giant©®™. You take your seat in the table of directors and notice the lightbulbs have been replaced by oranges- confusion sets in. You look around and all the other directors seem puzzled as well- have other light sources been highjacked??? fear sets in. I walk by the dark glass wall that is in the board room, shinning in 8 different spots, almost like there's 8 little suns in different places of me- surprise sets in. I stop and my wiggling fatrolls cease moving after 3 seconds, you notice I am naked- arousal sets in. I proceed to selectively compress and contract certain parts of my body, causing each and everyone of the lightbulbs to pop causing blood and shards to gush from my naked ass and onto the floor- disgust besieges you.
I walk away to clean myself up. What was that, you ask? A thrill. An emotional roller-coaster. A masterfully manufactured artistic reenactment of the blight of human suffering and the relationship between the Ego, the innocence of children, and God. Need I say anymore?
What is your background in the field you are applying for?
My background is often the area behind me, like, if you were to frame me in some sort of depiction, then that would be all of the area within the framing minus the area occupied by me. But, now, join me for a moment of reflection and meditation: why not... the "frontground"?
FUMUKU©®™- Always Moving Forwards.
Why should we pick you for FUMUKU?
I am a bowling champion, you've got pins? I'll knock'em out. You've got torsos? I'll jean-jacket'em. You've got leftovers on the office fridge? I'll eat'em. You've got children or young family members under your care? I'll fing... uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
What will you offer FUMUKU?
[/font]During this time only I'll offer you a free tour to my Collection Room. You'll get to lay your eyes on my 57 jars of toenails, and my live size statue of General Robert E. Lee also made of toenails. I'll give you everything in my pockets, yes, even the air in my pockets, that will be two birds in one shot, because only vacuum will be let in them, and vacuum is lighter than air and thus will cause the jacket wearer to float and rise above the clouds like olive oil on water (I will be introducing the concept of vacuum based blimps and other applications of vacuum in a future board room meeting).
Ask not what I can do for FUMUKU©®™ but what FUMUKU©®™ can do for me!
therefore Here's A List of My Demands:
1) A spy pen which is a spy with a pen on the end of it;
2) All doors in FUMUKU©®™ buildings must be 3x wider and seats must be 6x wider and 10x comfier to accommodate my... demanding rear;
3) I wish to be sung happy birthday no less than 4 times a year with cake with no less than 7 layers;
4) You are hereby contractually and permanently bound to replicate every single armor and clothing and uniform model of FUMUKU©®™ in jean cloth and all must wear such enhanced versions;
5) A) An active nuclear bomb must be placed at the center of HQ building with a giant weight dangling over it, held by a chain which is broken in two but it's broken ends are held by a ginormous iceberg- this will ensure agents and researchers never plan to the next day thus making them extremely more efficient;
5) B) Every time someone doesn't greet me properly when I drive my mobility recliner into the facility I will exhale deeply onto the iceberg thus accelerating it's melting rate and bringing the end date of the Doomsday Device closer to the present (DONT CROSS ME!!!!!!!)
6) I demand a full-time orchestra to live-produce the soundtrack of my life, regardless of where I am at or what I am doing, they must always adequately perform to the situation down to every little nuance.
7) All research funding gets split 75% towards new JeanJacket©®™ Technology and 25% towards ways discovering ways of handing me immediate remote control of the Sun so I can move it around when I'm driving and the glare is annoying and makes traffic lights harder to see.
Best regards
Billy Jeans
![[Image: 4WfYSUM.png]](https://i.imgur.com/4WfYSUM.png)